it just hit me

I found the answer today
To a question I didn’t know I was asking
I found proof today
For a doubt I didn’t think I was having
I found the reason today
For a feeling that I thought had no reason

An ache, a yearning, a need
Often misinterpreted and misread
Today...no didn’t find the target
No. found the reason instead

When I saw them together today
I welled up with jealousy inside
Alas if you only knew whom I was talking about
You would understand why my feelings I don’t hide

The affection, the love, the warmth
The trust, the bond, the care, the support
Oh what would I not give to have that?

No I speak not of lovers
I speak of a brother and a sister
Who if you would have seen
You would have seen as
as best friends and soul mates

Oh I am a tough girl on the outside
“Brave” they call me
“Bold” some said

But if you really knew me
You’d know I long inside
For protection, guidance
That I lost along with my father
For understanding,the suppoty
That in my brother I never found
Love, trust, care of a lover
That I don’t have

And when I saw the reflection
Of my feelings in them
Though envy filled me first
It was soon replaced by cognizance
Of finding out why it hurt
And the hope of finding something
Like that
someday, somewhere, in someone……

shaken...

Are a few moments of bliss
Worth the far many more of pain?
Am I being too skeptical?
Or is this what maturity all about?
Am I failing to look at the bright side?
Is there one at all?

Not essential to my existence
And though sometimes it feels that way
Not mandatory to my happiness either
Not a need – more a want
Will I ever find him?
Will he be worth my all?
How will I know if its real?
And he feels the way I feel?
How am I to be sure it isn’t fake?
And that for granted, me, he won’t take?
I know it is a risk
But how will I know its worth taking?
I know it may be a mistake
But will it be worth making?

Hers was a darling
Now more than a devil
Made her laugh once
Now all she does is
Cry over him

He was the reason
She believed in life
And they were the reason
I believed in love

And now tha oasis has turned out to be just a mirage
And I am left all alone in the desert, thirsty for….reason,sense,love,trust…..