it just hit me

I found the answer today
To a question I didn’t know I was asking
I found proof today
For a doubt I didn’t think I was having
I found the reason today
For a feeling that I thought had no reason

An ache, a yearning, a need
Often misinterpreted and misread
Today...no didn’t find the target
No. found the reason instead

When I saw them together today
I welled up with jealousy inside
Alas if you only knew whom I was talking about
You would understand why my feelings I don’t hide

The affection, the love, the warmth
The trust, the bond, the care, the support
Oh what would I not give to have that?

No I speak not of lovers
I speak of a brother and a sister
Who if you would have seen
You would have seen as
as best friends and soul mates

Oh I am a tough girl on the outside
“Brave” they call me
“Bold” some said

But if you really knew me
You’d know I long inside
For protection, guidance
That I lost along with my father
For understanding,the suppoty
That in my brother I never found
Love, trust, care of a lover
That I don’t have

And when I saw the reflection
Of my feelings in them
Though envy filled me first
It was soon replaced by cognizance
Of finding out why it hurt
And the hope of finding something
Like that
someday, somewhere, in someone……