a full year

a year full of being
real on stage
and fake off it

a year full of trying
to feel good for others
and not feel bad for myself

a year full of learning
that moments can mean so much
and months can mean so little

a year full of attempts
at being ' grown up'
and yet relating with children the most

a year full of battles
between the comfort of fitting in
and the struggles of standing out

a year full of joys
of being close to loved ones
and loving the close ones

a year full of
trying to move ahead
and crying to go behind


a year full

the temple

Footwear. Footsteps.
Loud bells .Rhythmic chants
Bare feet on the ground
Last night's rain.
Prayers. Banter.
Hands on hearts.

Fresh flowers - jasmine
Jasmine. White.
White. Jasmine.
A gift I can never give
Because you'll never take.

Sandalwood, kumkum, viboothi.
Kumkum. Red.
Red. Kumkum.
A gift I can never give
Because you'll never take

Viboothi. Grey. Ashes.
Ashes. Grey. Viboothi.
The only thing you'll accept
and smear on your forehead.
GREY WHERE RED USED TO BE.

I can make you smile
but I can't bear the tears
that come along

A place you love so much.
A place that gives you peace
Reminds me of everything
that once used to be

I don't want to go to the temple ma.