essence

an oyster without its pearl
a dance without any swirl
a garden without flowers
the night without stars
a candle without its light
a clown without delight
a poem without rhyme
a bell without chime
a tree without any leaf
a prayer without belief
winter without snow
a deer without a doe
monsoon without the rain
a genius without a brain
a painter with no paints
an holy place with no saints
a writer without words
a birdhouse without birds
an ice cream thats not cold
an antique thats not old
bread without butter
a fish not in water
a groom without his bride
a horse you cannot ride
a somg without melody
a mistake that has no remedy
a guitar with no strings
a bird without wings
a world without babies
a promise full of "may be"s
a book without pages
a worker without wages
a delicacy you can't eat
a challenge you can't meet
a prize you can't win
a top you can't spin
a rainbow without color
a hero without valor
a unreachable goal
a body with no soul
like coffee without cream
like sleep with no dream
a beach not near sea
THAT IS YOU WITHOUT ME

so real yet unreal...thats how i feel

it isn't envy
though it something very close
it isn't admiration
no its way more
it makes my heart leap
and then shatter into pieces
my heart beat goes up
and then to nothingness - it decreases
my spirits soar
like a dove in the sky
and then they dampen
and i begin to cry

you make me want to love you
then i hate you
i want to curse you
then i appreciate you

you are really special
i hope you realize that

"plain and ordinary" ??please
nothing even close to that

I'll never forgive you
for making me feel this way
yet i would have murdered you
if you wouldn't have told me that day

troubles

What I was promised
I haven’t got
I am forced to learn
What I wasn’t taught
I am willing to work hard
But that’s not enough
What used to be easy
Now seems so tough
I slog till my brain goes numb
Supposed to feel smarter
I still feel so dumb
I try to be positive
I promise to try
But whatever I do
I can’t help but cry
I was prepared for bad
I was prepared for worse
But I have landed upon
Is surely a curse
Whatever I do
However much I do
A drop is all I knowThere is still an ocean to go

struggles

A plunge into my soul
Scares me
A probe into my heart
Despairs me
An observation of my mind
Makes me weak inside
Who is this person?
What have I become?
What have I done?
What will be the outcome?

These feelings and thoughts
These phrases and words
All so overwhelming and so absurd
So much to do and yet I am idle
My whole life seems a question.
A puzzle. A riddle?

What seems important is not
What is supposed to be cold is hot
I am muddled when I am supposed to be clear
I am there when I am supposed to be here


Forces, emotions. All around
I feel lost. Totally unwound

So much praise. So much criticism
I get answers to questions I never asked
Unwillingly I am being pulled into my past

I struggle to break free
The harder I try
The deeper I am pulled
Deep and deeperTill I can’t separate me from my life

The girl in my mirror

you can see she is fighting a battle
a battle deep within
she is here
and yet she isn't
her eyes shine
but not with joy
at the brim
threatening to overflow
her lip wears a smile
but refuses to share it with her eyes
and then
her lips quiverher nose twitches
she grits her teethand clenches her fists
but her eyes are still open
they still shine
then suddenly
it all comes to an end
her eyes close
the tears come out..hot,
fast and impatient tears
her face is now uncoils
but her heart contorts
she grimaces...
...a battle lost
a battle deep within....

cognizance

As minutes turn into hours
As buds bloom into flowers
My doubts turn to fears
And my eyes fill with tears
I’m flooded with thoughts
I never thought were mine
I’m overcome with feelings
That I fail to define
I am consumed in them
My mind is in mayhem
I try to perceive. Analyze
To be rational and wise
Just as I disentangle the strands
And try to understand
They swirl into a mist
And then cease to exist
I search for my loss
But choose not to see
That what I lost
Is somewhere seep within me

a poem on a tissue

i am still waitng
for a sign..a phonecall..a message
to show you still care
wondering if you meant it
when you said that you'll be there
i wasn't going to talk to you at all
but then i changed my mind
because the truth i wanted to know
and the reason i deserve to find
when you asked my to love myself
was it because you didn't?
when you asked me to keep in touch
did it mean you wouldn't?
a relationship works both ways
and that is how it should too
when i gave all the love up to you
don't i desserve some in return from you?

you thought me to be kind
you taught me to be smart
but an important thing you didn't teach
was how to deal with a broken heart

do you even know what this is about?
or should i once again scream and shout?
do you know why iam so sad
and how hard i'm trying not to be mad?
I'm forcing myself to be rational
trying hard to be wise
trying not to lose my cool
i'm trying to break the ice

everytime i fill up with fury inside
i try to find an excuse..i try to think
"there has to be an explanation"
but then i change my mind

i think i've said enough
these tissues say it all
how it hurt deep inside
when you failed to call...

yeah so finally

ok at last getting this blog started after a lot of pursuasion and inspiration...will mostly post my so called poems..will not be free from ramblings though..so here goes nothing