verbs

numbed by reality
taunted by the truth
threatened by imperfections
cajolled by promises
stiffled by my conscience
aphyxiated by words
galvanized by emotions

existing because I do

Dark but not down

I'm dark

I'm Daring
I'm Affectionate
I'm Resplendent
I'm Kind

I'm dark, just like the inky sky
Maybe not seen in the day
But with moon and stars that shine
At night and make a sight- divine

I'm dark, like the ebony coal
To spread warmth, I enkindle my soul
But that's just one part of me
One day a glittering diamond I'll be

I'm dark like soil - the elixir
Both birth and death, I nurture
I'm the crux of all existence
And core of human subsistence

I'm dark like the vortex of fire
I'm dark like words that inspire
I'm dark like luscious black hair
I'm dark like life that’s not 'fair'

I'm dark, I'm filled with light inside
I'm dark and in it I take pride
If I weren't dark what would I be?
If I weren't dark I wouldn't be me..



P.S I wrote this from the point of view of somebody else

a TOAST

life's full of twists and turns
and I stand on one such turn today
I'm leaving behind everything known
I have to go my own way
It is by no means simple or easy
but it is something i just have to do
I'm not sure what my destination is
But i have to walk..i have to go
I gather up all the moments together
'Memories' they are called now
We try not to cry as we leave
and we promise to meet somehow
we take pictures, fill slam books
we'll never loose touch we say
Of course we mean it
of course we'll try
but who is to tell
what will come by

So here is to you friend
I raise a toast..
For just being you and letting me be me
for everything that was shared as "we"
I can't promise to stay in touch
But I promise to never move apart
for meet we never may again
but you'll stay forever in my heart.

mid sea

you put me on the boat, stayed there
you always rowed,we moved towards the shore
you always had control over the oars
I just got so used to sitting here
and so used to you just being there
never worried about the destination
I left it all upto you
yes maybe i took it all for granted

I never fretted about the rain or the storm
I had complete faith in you
but then suddenly you left one day
and awam away towards the shore
I don't know where you went
but you did leave me. You did
Maybe you didn't mean it..but you left
maybe it wasn't your fault, but you left
and I was left all on my own
with no idea about what to do
I didn't know to row
and I hadn't learnt to swim
I held on for life had to move on
and over time I learnt to row
it was hard then, it is hard now
and it just gets harder each day
and when i sleep at night
I don't know if I can row at dawn

getting over you

i've done all the things
that I should do
everything they said
that'd help me get over you

I've tried anger
I've tried indifference
yet nothing I've done
has made much of a difference

heard all kinds of songs
read all kind of stuff
written everything down
but this is really tough

nothing I do stops me
from thinking about you a zillion times a day
wishing you were here to drive my blues away
wondering how it would've been if things hadn't gone astray
I can't help but think about you every step along the way

death

DEATH
is so starnge
so still
so final
so irreversible
so gut wrenching
so blatant
so unfathomable
so incomprehensible
so unnnerving
so ovewhelming
so cold
so intimidating
so numbing
so quiet
so loud

is such a slap on the soul
and vaccum in the heart

death

is so peaceful
for those who embrace it
and anything but
for those who embrace them

soul

i take it all in
and then i let it all go
i'm trying to try
i'm going with the flow
i'm not trying to make sense
i'm not bothering to rationalize
just taking things as they come
and tryin not to sensationalize

my poetry is all i have
its all i hold on to
it is all i feel
and all i see
it is all i try to be
i know it isn't fantabulous
but atleast its "me"..
as much a part
as this heart
and soul...

being

I don't want to

dress up or dress down
wear a smile or a frown
be shallow or be deep
give away or keep
go out or stay in
be pure or commit a sin
love or hate
sleep or stay awake
be jealous or indifferent
be dumb or intelligent
be enthused or subdued
make peace or a fued
keep moving or stay still
be empty or be full
progress or digress
stay clean or create a mess
be kind or be callous
take in stride or create a fuss

i just want to be
yes thats the only wish from me

if you were

If you were a song
you'd be the only one I sing

If you were a bell
you'd be the only one I ring

If you were a feeling
you'd be the only one I feel

If you were a movie
you'd be the only one I see

If you were a thought
you'd be the only one I think

If were a drink
you'd be the only one I drink

If you were a flower
you'd be the one I always pick

If you were medicine
I'd always be sick

If you were a place
you'd be the only one I go to

If you were a job
you'd be the only one I'd ever do

If you were a poem
you'd be the only one I write

If you were a mistake
I'd hate to be right

if you were a book
you'd be the only one I read

but you are a guy
you are the only one I need

a soul in solitude

i'll always have

the wind
to gently caress me
to play with my hair
and leave it in a lovely mess

the rain
to beautifuly drench my body
to revive and refresh my soul
with those gorgeous raindrops

the sun
to fill my life with light
and every time i'm cold
provide me warm warmth

the girl in my mirror
to talk to me
to comfort me
to support me
to love me

i'll always have me

moving on

yes i think its finally happened
i've learnt to let go
and yes i forgive you
i didn't mean to create a row
all the anger has fizzled away
all thar remains is a hurt soul
i never meant to hurt you
like you didn't mean to play foul
i'd put a lot of trust in you
and was refusing to see reality
but its finally sunk in now
and i'm never going to believe in fantasy
this isn't the first time anyway
and you aren' the first person to scar
i'll jus be more careful now
i'll be near but i'll stay afar

terror....26/11

terror strikes
like a snake it rises its ugly head
its evil eyes..contemptful
it spits and hisses
and spares no one
indiscriminate...pure and poisonous
it bites all...no regrets

when it slithered into our world
no one knows
for how long its laid there
waiting and preparing to strike

we ask questions now
we scream after the kill

why didn't anyone see or recongnise it?
what chameleonistic trick did it do?

we give it exotic names
and play blame games
who is the charmer behind the snake?
why did we take so long to rise and wake?

alone..but not afraid

i've cut myself away from the world
not because i don't belong
but i no longer want to

we were very different leaves
but atleast we belonged to the same tree
have i detatched myself and flown away?
or have the others gone
and only i remain?


i don't understand anything anymore
why they laugh or why they cry
why they fail or why they try
i can't sympathise
or empathise with anyone
i can no longer laugh with or laugh at
i just can't mock or tease
or love or hate the same way
my feelings are not yours
they acquire a whole new
realm and reason in my world
my world...i'm not sure who is in there anymore
there is me and i think that is all there is

so much like yours
and so much not
so much more deeper
so much more shallow
a smile doesn't mean joy
tears don't mean sorrow

hope doesn't leave me hopeful
inspiration is just a word
anger and action aren't different
a pen just as good as a sword

i don't try to be like you
i know i never will
amidst so much activity
i've tried so hard to be still

this isn't a realisation
no it isn't an epiphany
i'm neither shocked nor surprised
to find myself alone
i've never been at peace anyway
there is no place i call home

for mom

i wish
i could jus wrap my arms around you
and take all you pain away
i'd gladly take it all
the worries, pain - both physical and mental

i wish
i could jus touch your forehead
and erase all the wrinkles
all the proof for the years of strife
and all the sacrifice

i wish
i could jus kiss your cheek
and put a smile back on your face
for where only smiles stayed
now seem to have gone forever

i wish
by being me...by doing something
by doing anything
i could make your life a little bit easier
for all the selflessness
thats the least you deserve

if only

if only
you'd look into my eyes
if only
you listen to my silence
if only
you'd hear my heart beat
if only
you'd see my lips twitch
if only
you'd feel my cold palms
if only
you'd read in between my lines
if only
you'd notice my shy stride
if only
you feel my warm breathe
if only
you''d look beyond ....
you'd see
that even though i'm not talking
i'm telling you so much...
if and only if.....

i'm done with it

i'm done wth

being the strong one
being brave
being bold
being there
being here

for once
i want to be the one
who is allowed to be weak
and just let herself go
and fear all the fears
and cry out all the tears

when i cry

when i cry
the last thing i want you to do
is to ask me to stop crying
or ask me the reason why

instead i'd love it if
you'd just embrace me tight
and hold me as long as i need

instead i'd love it if
you'd just tell me it'll be alright
and then gently caress my cheek

instead i'd love it if
you'd just lend me your shoulder
and also lend me some hope

instead i'd love it if
you'd just let me cry
and then gently wipe my tears dry

agony and ecstacy

For a bountiful harvest
A farmer pays with sweat and toil
For no crops are grown
Until seeds are sown in soil

For no man has tasted success
Without giving it his all
Fro every time that he has risen
Twice he has had to fall

For no mother, without labour
Ever held her bundle of joy
For without the pregnancy, pain
There would be no little girl or boy

For no piece of hard black coal
Ever turned into a diamond overnight
For if the caterpillar didn’t cocoon itself
No butterfly would ever be in sight

For without years of struggle and strife
No grain of sand ever turned into a pearl
No gain without pain, success without failure
Has always been the law of the world


For every moment of ecstasy
With agony we must pay
For only after the dark cold night
Dawns a bright beautiful day

now more than ever

now more than ever
i want you to hug me tight
and not let me go

now more than ever
i need you to listen to me
and not offer solutions

mow more than ever
i want you to comfort me
by just being yourself

now more than ever
i want you lend me your shoulder
to rest my worries upon

now more than ever
i need you to assure me
that you'll always be there

now more than ever
i want you tell me
that things will be okay

now more than ever
i don't just want you to be a friend
i want you to be family


now more than ever
i want you to be strong
and let me be scared

now more than ever
i need you to be right
and let me be wrong

now more than ever
i want you to be in sight
and let me be lost

frozen..numb

You are just next to me
And yet you are a million miles away
You could once read my mind
Now you don’t get me even if I speak things aloud

Was the past an illusion
Or is the present an exaggeration
Can understanding be pretence?

I don’t know anymore
I don’t feel guilty
Nor am I sorry

Tears don’t flow anymore
They just freeze in my heart
Then the form icicles
And cut my heart open
Even then I don’t cry
I only bleed. Quietly I bleed
Slowly but steadily
Till all my life is drained out

I feel lighter
When I keep things to myself
Sharing suddenly
Becomes
,,,,an obligation
..a burden. a suffering

Why can you suddenly not decipher me?
Have I changed or have you?
An I expecting too much or are you giving too less?
Do we know each other? Did we ever?

I don’t know. I don’t even want to
I don’t fit in. and I don’t want to
I’m not going to try
The effort is not worth it anymore

This is no blame game
And I choose not to take names

I am numb. But I will revive
I’m almost dead but I will survive

You have nipped the bud before it could bloom
But there are other seeds. Dormant but existing

And they will grow when nurtured
Someone will nurture them
I don’t know who
All I know is that
It won’t be you