there is a reason your name means trust

you are still my sunshine
you still fill the dark corners of my life
somehow with your undying optimism
you manage to infiltrate the thicket of indifference
somehow you manage to make me smile
somehow you make me feel alive
you pull me back down to earth
and raise me so that I can feel again
Somehow this world never pulls you down
in its emptiness how do you never drown
There is so much i want to learn from you
you walk through storms like its just breeze
you are like my self help book minus the rubbish
you are like a sermon minus the preaching
you are like me minus the negativity
there is not one day that i regret letting you go
because somewhere along the way I found you
somewhere around the way I found myself
I finally see the things in me
that you said you could see
Finally I see the world the way
you said it would be

remnants..

Vague traces remain

 Like dregs in a coffee mug

 Or ashes of a burnt fire

 Like ink washed off paper

an old faded photograph

 scars thats won't fade away

a rusted old vehicle 


an old forgotten memory


the longing for lost comfort

 the last notes of a song

lessons learnt

no one teaches you
to lose a friend to another friend
to lose a friend to another world
to lose yourself for a friend
to find yourself in a friend
to find a friend in yourself

to stumble, crash and fall in love
to wake up and walk out of love
to struggle and stay in love
to stay and struggle in love
to define what exactly is love

some lessons are just learnt
never taught

realize

After a while you realize .
that you are never quite sure about what you are wishing for till it comes true.
that there is always another person involved .
that you have no right to play with their feelings just to figure out yours.
that there is only a subtle difference between friendship and love.
that sometimes you don't even know that difference.
that truth does hurt, but it also saves a lot of pain.
that you are a different person with different people.
that you never quite know till your try.
that you don't really know everything you thought you knew.
that sometimes you just need to breathe.
that doing nothing is better than doing anything at all.
that your definition and perception of love is messed up - by all the books, movies and people around.
that in the end you just have to create your own definition. t
hat being with someone can make you realize you don't need to be with anyone.
that your mom really is your best friend. period.

P. Ramachandran (late)

You weren't late Appa

I was

I never told you
that I love you
that I always will

thats all

let me

let me slip away
into the shroud of my mother's sari
let me be inebriated
by the breath of an old book
let me melt away
into the meaning of music
let me be conquered
by the chuckle of a child
let me wrap myself
with the warmth of words
let me stray
into the streams of sunlight

to my long lost beloved

I am getting back to you dear
To your comfortable scents
To the familiarity of your dispositions
To letting you take me to unexplored worlds
To meeting new people through you
To the company of traveling with you
To the assurance of always having you around
To feeling your emotions like my own
To our inside jokes and tears wept
To having a cup of coffee with you
To enjoying a rainy day curled up next to you
To the joy of unravelling your every part
To the taste of savoring every bit of you
To the suspense of your twists and turns
To the habit of reading in between your lines
To going to bed with you and waking up with you
To staying in bed with you all day
To not being able to put you down
To letting go of the world when your are around

I am getting back to you
my darling books..

this and that

my vacuum cleaner needs dusting
my teacher needs to be taught

someone tell my watch the time
someone tell my poetry whats rhyme

my torch needs some light
my eraser has too many marks

someone teach my phone to make calls
someone teach the builder to build walls

my glasses cannot be found
my camera needs some perspective

someone teach my friends to be friendly
someone teach my teddy bear to be cuddly

away

I've been away for a while now

I've been thinking about not thinking
and feeling about not feeling
I have been getting attached
over not getting attached
I have been writing about
not writing anything at all
And talking about
not having anything to talk about
I have been loving
for the fear of never feeling love
And fearing love
for the love of never fearing again
I have been alone
for the fear of getting lonely
I have been reading
about not being able to read anymore
And I have been singing
about losing my voice
I have been listening to music
for the fear of losing my soul
I have been dancing
because I have never really danced before

I've been away for a while
and whining about needing a vacation

fear

the music is still in mute
as the pictures play on mindlessly
The eyes are still closed
as the painter goes on frantically
the body is still stagnant
as the soul searches aimlessly
my arms are still bound
as you reach for me earnestly

I am scared of music
I am afraid it will be too loud
or that I might not be able to hear at all
I don't look at paintings
their meaning I might not comprehend
Or that I might comprehend too much

a full year

a year full of being
real on stage
and fake off it

a year full of trying
to feel good for others
and not feel bad for myself

a year full of learning
that moments can mean so much
and months can mean so little

a year full of attempts
at being ' grown up'
and yet relating with children the most

a year full of battles
between the comfort of fitting in
and the struggles of standing out

a year full of joys
of being close to loved ones
and loving the close ones

a year full of
trying to move ahead
and crying to go behind


a year full

the temple

Footwear. Footsteps.
Loud bells .Rhythmic chants
Bare feet on the ground
Last night's rain.
Prayers. Banter.
Hands on hearts.

Fresh flowers - jasmine
Jasmine. White.
White. Jasmine.
A gift I can never give
Because you'll never take.

Sandalwood, kumkum, viboothi.
Kumkum. Red.
Red. Kumkum.
A gift I can never give
Because you'll never take

Viboothi. Grey. Ashes.
Ashes. Grey. Viboothi.
The only thing you'll accept
and smear on your forehead.
GREY WHERE RED USED TO BE.

I can make you smile
but I can't bear the tears
that come along

A place you love so much.
A place that gives you peace
Reminds me of everything
that once used to be

I don't want to go to the temple ma.

Dating? huh?

Dating?
Huh?
Have you considered dating? she asked me
I laughed at her incredulously
Of course I have.
Haven't we spoken about this before?
I think dating will change a lot of things for you.
Doesn't it for anyone?
But is the 'change' always the good kind?
Doesn't that depend on the person you date?

I am still waiting to find that person
Weren't you the one who said I should?
That these things have to happen on their own?

I am waiting for him to come
Waiting to spend time with him
Waiting to listen to music together
Or go to bookstores and discuss literature
Or just lie down on the beach
and stare at the stars
I'm waiting to go to the cinemas
sometimes even to watch movies
Or just anything else
as long as its with him

But then I got tired of waiting
So I'm just living my life right now
I'm not waiting anymore
If he comes along,
sure I'd like to date him

But
Don't you know all that?
Why would you still ask?

of

Fear
Of redundancy
Of immaturity
Of the desultory
Of stupidity
Of blatancy
Of over simplicity
Of dependency

Joy
of company
Of maternal love
Of the material
Of the physical
Of hope
Of a smile

Pain
Of finality
Of attachment
Of complexity
Of indifference

she is

she is searching
she is not sure where
she is not sure for what
but she is searching

she is living
she is not sure how
she is not sure where
but she is living

she is thinking
she is not sure about what
she is not sure if she should
but she is thinking

she is trying
she is not sure why
she is not sure how long
but she is trying

shades of grey..

I promised I'd be good
I said I'd never go astray
but back then I thought
that I'd always know my way

I promised to stay in line
I said I'd always pray
but back then I thought
I knew the night from day

I said I'd always be nice
and the truth I'd always say
but life was then a bed of roses
not just a game people play

I said I'd follow all the rules
and I tried to always obey
but back then you promised
that you'd never go away

I promised to be faithful
I said I'd never betray
But then it was all black and white
there were no shades of gray

is it?

When I am happy with what I am
Am I happily satiated ?
or just plain complacent?

When I love people despite being hated in return
Is my love unconditional?
or am I just being stupid?

When I am pretending to be happy
Is it better than being sad?
or am I just being fake?

When certain things don't bother me
Is that being mature
or am I being indifferent?

When sometimes I just don't care
Am I being strong
or is it just insensitivity?

When I pour my soul out in a poem
Is it being expressive?
Or am I wearing my heart on my sleeve?

all it takes

Sometimes
Happiness gives space for little else

One person makes the others bearable

One word makes the rest unimportant

One smile makes the tears worth it

One piece of truth fades the lies away

One hug makes pain less painful

One message makes my day

One flame banishes darkness

One you - makes me believe in good..

still there

It excites me
It invites me
It titillates me
It surprises me
It inspires me
It satisfies me
It frustrates me

It makes me happy and sad all at once
It takes me high and low and lets me bounce
in between them

It saddens me
It gladdens me
....
yes..
Poetry still writes me..

canvas

life is a canvas
and I had my paints
I painted strokes of black and white
but something about the painting wasn't right

so I started using colors green and blue
and I let you add red because I wanted to

but then my painting became too bright
and maybe wasn't placed in the right light
so I changed the place and I put in more grey
but at the edges the canvas has begun to fray

and my painting has no meaning
it follows no theme,
no colour scheme..
It doesn't represent me
nor does it represent you..

No, it isn't any form of art..
not does convey a message from the heart..

Life is a canvas
and I had my paints

I ruined it myself
I have nothing more to say..