being

I don't want to

dress up or dress down
wear a smile or a frown
be shallow or be deep
give away or keep
go out or stay in
be pure or commit a sin
love or hate
sleep or stay awake
be jealous or indifferent
be dumb or intelligent
be enthused or subdued
make peace or a fued
keep moving or stay still
be empty or be full
progress or digress
stay clean or create a mess
be kind or be callous
take in stride or create a fuss

i just want to be
yes thats the only wish from me

if you were

If you were a song
you'd be the only one I sing

If you were a bell
you'd be the only one I ring

If you were a feeling
you'd be the only one I feel

If you were a movie
you'd be the only one I see

If you were a thought
you'd be the only one I think

If were a drink
you'd be the only one I drink

If you were a flower
you'd be the one I always pick

If you were medicine
I'd always be sick

If you were a place
you'd be the only one I go to

If you were a job
you'd be the only one I'd ever do

If you were a poem
you'd be the only one I write

If you were a mistake
I'd hate to be right

if you were a book
you'd be the only one I read

but you are a guy
you are the only one I need

a soul in solitude

i'll always have

the wind
to gently caress me
to play with my hair
and leave it in a lovely mess

the rain
to beautifuly drench my body
to revive and refresh my soul
with those gorgeous raindrops

the sun
to fill my life with light
and every time i'm cold
provide me warm warmth

the girl in my mirror
to talk to me
to comfort me
to support me
to love me

i'll always have me

moving on

yes i think its finally happened
i've learnt to let go
and yes i forgive you
i didn't mean to create a row
all the anger has fizzled away
all thar remains is a hurt soul
i never meant to hurt you
like you didn't mean to play foul
i'd put a lot of trust in you
and was refusing to see reality
but its finally sunk in now
and i'm never going to believe in fantasy
this isn't the first time anyway
and you aren' the first person to scar
i'll jus be more careful now
i'll be near but i'll stay afar

terror....26/11

terror strikes
like a snake it rises its ugly head
its evil eyes..contemptful
it spits and hisses
and spares no one
indiscriminate...pure and poisonous
it bites all...no regrets

when it slithered into our world
no one knows
for how long its laid there
waiting and preparing to strike

we ask questions now
we scream after the kill

why didn't anyone see or recongnise it?
what chameleonistic trick did it do?

we give it exotic names
and play blame games
who is the charmer behind the snake?
why did we take so long to rise and wake?

alone..but not afraid

i've cut myself away from the world
not because i don't belong
but i no longer want to

we were very different leaves
but atleast we belonged to the same tree
have i detatched myself and flown away?
or have the others gone
and only i remain?


i don't understand anything anymore
why they laugh or why they cry
why they fail or why they try
i can't sympathise
or empathise with anyone
i can no longer laugh with or laugh at
i just can't mock or tease
or love or hate the same way
my feelings are not yours
they acquire a whole new
realm and reason in my world
my world...i'm not sure who is in there anymore
there is me and i think that is all there is

so much like yours
and so much not
so much more deeper
so much more shallow
a smile doesn't mean joy
tears don't mean sorrow

hope doesn't leave me hopeful
inspiration is just a word
anger and action aren't different
a pen just as good as a sword

i don't try to be like you
i know i never will
amidst so much activity
i've tried so hard to be still

this isn't a realisation
no it isn't an epiphany
i'm neither shocked nor surprised
to find myself alone
i've never been at peace anyway
there is no place i call home

for mom

i wish
i could jus wrap my arms around you
and take all you pain away
i'd gladly take it all
the worries, pain - both physical and mental

i wish
i could jus touch your forehead
and erase all the wrinkles
all the proof for the years of strife
and all the sacrifice

i wish
i could jus kiss your cheek
and put a smile back on your face
for where only smiles stayed
now seem to have gone forever

i wish
by being me...by doing something
by doing anything
i could make your life a little bit easier
for all the selflessness
thats the least you deserve

if only

if only
you'd look into my eyes
if only
you listen to my silence
if only
you'd hear my heart beat
if only
you'd see my lips twitch
if only
you'd feel my cold palms
if only
you'd read in between my lines
if only
you'd notice my shy stride
if only
you feel my warm breathe
if only
you''d look beyond ....
you'd see
that even though i'm not talking
i'm telling you so much...
if and only if.....

i'm done with it

i'm done wth

being the strong one
being brave
being bold
being there
being here

for once
i want to be the one
who is allowed to be weak
and just let herself go
and fear all the fears
and cry out all the tears

when i cry

when i cry
the last thing i want you to do
is to ask me to stop crying
or ask me the reason why

instead i'd love it if
you'd just embrace me tight
and hold me as long as i need

instead i'd love it if
you'd just tell me it'll be alright
and then gently caress my cheek

instead i'd love it if
you'd just lend me your shoulder
and also lend me some hope

instead i'd love it if
you'd just let me cry
and then gently wipe my tears dry

agony and ecstacy

For a bountiful harvest
A farmer pays with sweat and toil
For no crops are grown
Until seeds are sown in soil

For no man has tasted success
Without giving it his all
Fro every time that he has risen
Twice he has had to fall

For no mother, without labour
Ever held her bundle of joy
For without the pregnancy, pain
There would be no little girl or boy

For no piece of hard black coal
Ever turned into a diamond overnight
For if the caterpillar didn’t cocoon itself
No butterfly would ever be in sight

For without years of struggle and strife
No grain of sand ever turned into a pearl
No gain without pain, success without failure
Has always been the law of the world


For every moment of ecstasy
With agony we must pay
For only after the dark cold night
Dawns a bright beautiful day

now more than ever

now more than ever
i want you to hug me tight
and not let me go

now more than ever
i need you to listen to me
and not offer solutions

mow more than ever
i want you to comfort me
by just being yourself

now more than ever
i want you lend me your shoulder
to rest my worries upon

now more than ever
i need you to assure me
that you'll always be there

now more than ever
i want you tell me
that things will be okay

now more than ever
i don't just want you to be a friend
i want you to be family


now more than ever
i want you to be strong
and let me be scared

now more than ever
i need you to be right
and let me be wrong

now more than ever
i want you to be in sight
and let me be lost

frozen..numb

You are just next to me
And yet you are a million miles away
You could once read my mind
Now you don’t get me even if I speak things aloud

Was the past an illusion
Or is the present an exaggeration
Can understanding be pretence?

I don’t know anymore
I don’t feel guilty
Nor am I sorry

Tears don’t flow anymore
They just freeze in my heart
Then the form icicles
And cut my heart open
Even then I don’t cry
I only bleed. Quietly I bleed
Slowly but steadily
Till all my life is drained out

I feel lighter
When I keep things to myself
Sharing suddenly
Becomes
,,,,an obligation
..a burden. a suffering

Why can you suddenly not decipher me?
Have I changed or have you?
An I expecting too much or are you giving too less?
Do we know each other? Did we ever?

I don’t know. I don’t even want to
I don’t fit in. and I don’t want to
I’m not going to try
The effort is not worth it anymore

This is no blame game
And I choose not to take names

I am numb. But I will revive
I’m almost dead but I will survive

You have nipped the bud before it could bloom
But there are other seeds. Dormant but existing

And they will grow when nurtured
Someone will nurture them
I don’t know who
All I know is that
It won’t be you

painfully romantic

Looking beyond the obvious, people usually hate the rain for the same reasons that others love it...

it is pouring outside, little drops of rain
They rhythmically dance down roofs
Millions of gentle drops fall angrily on the ground
They hang reluctantly back on leaves
Forming tiny, gorgeous iridescent bubbles

in such poetic whether
i want to
walk with you
you to hold my hand
not loose enough to be cold
Nor tight enough to be fierce
Jus the right grip……

I want you to
Walk step in step with me
Neither ahead
Not behind
Just by my side. Always by my side
Our hearts and steps in perfect sync

I want us to
Have a soulful conversation
With nothing but our eyes

I know that just your presence
Will give me all the hope in the world
And just your warm breathe on me
Will bring my cold existence to life

I put my head on your shoulder
I forget the world around
I’d trust you with my life…my world

I want us to just stay that way
Just you, me, love and the rain for company

she or me

she facinates me one second
and the next disgusts me
first she embraces me
and then disgraces me
i'm awed by her potential
and grieved by her denial

where i once say a spark
i only see ember

from being passionate
she turns plaintive
she has let go of the world
but herself she is yet to forgive

wounded by the past
tormented by the present
perplexed about the future

teenage trials..
adult apprhensions
or just frivilous fantods?

she is young but she is tired
once full of zeal, now uninspired

her face is unfathomable
and her soul inpenetrable

am i her or is she me?

anchor in life

my shoulder is still wet
with the tears of a friend
I am glad that my ahoulder
to rest upon i could lend

everyone needs somebody
to hold on to in life
someone to share the joy
and all the internal strife
a ship needs its anchor
people need them too
to get a grip and
prevent things from going askew
to help you stay on surface
someone to lend a ear
a friend, family, a pet
or anyone you consider near

but this wretched world
with its permanent structures
and temporary lives
where before one problem departs
the other one arrives

to depend outside for an anchor
may temporarily reduce chagrin
but for a more stable existence
let the anchor be within

whatever is happening to me

life is getting boring
things are getting mundane
and i am growing tired
of playing this waiting game
i am sick of all these thoughts
i think i'm going insane
my words don't make sense
they are bordering next to lame
and these that fill myhead
fill me up with shame
all i want to do is focus
and achieve my treasured aim
i'm not asking for anything else
don't want luck, power or fame
whatever i ma going through
has no scientific name
and nothing invented yet
can make my wild heart tame
and for this state that i'm in
i have only me to blame

just felt like that

i'm feeling very vulnerable today
all i want to do is hug you
i want you to wrap your arms around me
and just keep holding me tight
i want to feel the warmth of your body
and feel your heart beat against mine

and then just shut the world out
and sink into your body and drown in your soul
alas if you only knew
how much i want you

wanted...

one upon whom i can always depend
one who'll be true and not pretend
when my heart is broken,who'll mend
and a helping hand, always lend
my feelings correctly comprehend
and upon his ideals never bend
to wounds and worries who'll tend
admit his mistakes and make amend
loads of time with me he should spend
and occasionally a gesture of love,send
individualistic, not a follower of trend
and physical barriers he should transend
be on my side and always defend
not just a lover but a friend
with love that'll never end
i wantt that kind of a boyfriend

mr cute guy

hey Mr cute guy get out of my head
stop! you are making me go all red
why are you so damn good looking
forget prince, you are fit to be king

did you have to be so smart too?
now i can't get my mind off you
so unassuming and so darn cute
whenever i look at you i go mute

just when i had given up on guys
you had to come and make my heart beat rise
hey mr cute guy stop invading my thought
isn't it enough that you've conquered my heart?

in class today

a subject too close for comfort
the truth that i tried so hard to avoid
was thrust upon me in class today
the feelings i tried so hard to hide
the tears i buried deep inside
were breached in class today
the looks of pity i didn't want to receive
and the helpless faces i didn't want to see
englufed me in class today
the part of me that i didn't want to reveal
the wound inside that just won't heal
was cut open in class today

the thoughts i fear the most
put in the medium so dear to me
just the thing i didn't want to happen
my soul was stripped in class today

it just hit me

I found the answer today
To a question I didn’t know I was asking
I found proof today
For a doubt I didn’t think I was having
I found the reason today
For a feeling that I thought had no reason

An ache, a yearning, a need
Often misinterpreted and misread
Today...no didn’t find the target
No. found the reason instead

When I saw them together today
I welled up with jealousy inside
Alas if you only knew whom I was talking about
You would understand why my feelings I don’t hide

The affection, the love, the warmth
The trust, the bond, the care, the support
Oh what would I not give to have that?

No I speak not of lovers
I speak of a brother and a sister
Who if you would have seen
You would have seen as
as best friends and soul mates

Oh I am a tough girl on the outside
“Brave” they call me
“Bold” some said

But if you really knew me
You’d know I long inside
For protection, guidance
That I lost along with my father
For understanding,the suppoty
That in my brother I never found
Love, trust, care of a lover
That I don’t have

And when I saw the reflection
Of my feelings in them
Though envy filled me first
It was soon replaced by cognizance
Of finding out why it hurt
And the hope of finding something
Like that
someday, somewhere, in someone……

shaken...

Are a few moments of bliss
Worth the far many more of pain?
Am I being too skeptical?
Or is this what maturity all about?
Am I failing to look at the bright side?
Is there one at all?

Not essential to my existence
And though sometimes it feels that way
Not mandatory to my happiness either
Not a need – more a want
Will I ever find him?
Will he be worth my all?
How will I know if its real?
And he feels the way I feel?
How am I to be sure it isn’t fake?
And that for granted, me, he won’t take?
I know it is a risk
But how will I know its worth taking?
I know it may be a mistake
But will it be worth making?

Hers was a darling
Now more than a devil
Made her laugh once
Now all she does is
Cry over him

He was the reason
She believed in life
And they were the reason
I believed in love

And now tha oasis has turned out to be just a mirage
And I am left all alone in the desert, thirsty for….reason,sense,love,trust…..

my boquet of joy

a boquet of roses
sit on my table today
they aren't as fresh
as they were yesterday
though they slowly wither away
yet grow more precious
as each second passes away
for it isn't the roses
but from they came,
that make them exquisite
for the fragnance
doesn't come from the roses
it comes from somewhere deeper
and is a lot more sweeter


the fragrance of friendship
- of love-

of sharing in someone's joy
of being someone's joy
of gaining so much happiness
out of just being there
and of feeling so great
just having someone to care

the roses may fade away
the memories never will
for even after they die
the frangrance lingers still

yeah so i'm kinda happy

the euphoria of success
especially when it isn't anticipated
is greater than chocolate fudge sundae
the joy of accomplishment
of having done "something"
is better than a nice romantic novel
the feeling when hard work bears fruit
is more than satisfaction
it gives you a purpose
to live..to strive harder
a sense that there is still
something right with the world
it is better than beautiful poetry
the feeling of feeling happy
ah.. so rare..so beautiful
is just pure ecstacy

that four letter word

ah the four letter word
that makes you feel
such a plethora of emotions
from esctacy to meloncholy
from joy to jeopardy
a myriad of feelings
a conglomeration of moods
ah all for that four letter word

they make films about it, write plays on it
sing about it, dance about it
laugh about it, cry over it
live for it, die for it
change yourselves
in a quest to find someone,
lose yourself over it
ah the things they do
and the things they say
the things they hope
the things they pray
all for that four letter word

a poem on a tissue - the aftermath

months have paseed
i've run out of tissues
I've grown out of tears
and i've stopped hoping
that i'll ever see you here

whether i write poems on tissues
or etch them into your heart
it isn't going to make a difference
you are still going to be apart

you've caused me pain
and taken all the hope away
but i've learnt a
few lessons along the way

i've learnt that expectations
only lead to hurt
and sometimes it isn't so wrong
to be short and curt
i've learnt that pain
is hard to let go
but it isn't my fault
that i love you so?

i've learnt not to put much
into the ralationship
than the other person does
i've learnt to accept things
and stop making a fuss

i've learnt that
you can only love people
you can'r get them to love you back
but there is nothing to be ashamed about
it isn't anything you lack

there is only so much you can do
you can only inititate conversations
you can only take the first step
to start the communication
and if they stil can't
see the things the way you see
get the message
it is just not meant to be

I've learnt that time doesn't heal
it doesn't erase the hurt you feel
it just gives you other things to do
keeps you going, even if you don't want to

people have often told me
that i love people way more than
what they deserve
but i don't think it's a crime
to love without reserve

i don't know know if its false
don't know if its true
all i know is - loving completelely
is the only kind of loving i do!!

out of the blue

there is thunder in the air
wonder who is having a row up there?
wonder what the row's about?
that is making someone scream and shout?
is it about the presedential debate?
is someone fighting over the earth's fate?

there is intense lightning in the air
wonder who is flashing such anger up there?
did a couple up there just break up?
are friends finding it hard to make up?

there is such heavy rain
wonder who is crying out in vain
who is feeling such pain?
wonder who is going so insane?

morning blues, views

early mornings..used to be almost alien
now they've become part of my daily routine
i used to sleep away into oblivion
now i wake up before the sun rises above the horizon

i'm not exactly complaining
because it is a an interesting feeling
to be awake when the world around you is asleep
each minute seems longer,silence seems more deep

its refreshing.... the purity in the air
when the morning fills with the mosque's prayer
the birds start chriping, all up for the day
into the infinite skies they find their way

in the neighbouring house an alram rings
followed by ear splitting noises and screams
unwillingly people get up from their bed
with the days mileu filling up their heads

the newspaper boy comes with hot news
people gather to gossip..um share views
one by one all the hawkers start arriving
and the world is up on its feet and cracking

and all along a girl sits in front of her computer
and writes this poem in her blog
she writes about morning blues and her views
when she is supposed to study..and slog!!

DEADlines are called that for a reason!!

deadline
doesn't the word say it all
that if you aren't going to meet it
might as well go hit your head against the wall
the closer you are to the deadline
i assure you things get worse
they just keep deteriorating
it is almost like some kinda curse

thats when you comp will hang up
your internet will stop working
thats when you'll get a writer's block
just when the end is lurking

deadline are called that for a reason
you better get that into you head
if you are not going to meet it
you are going to be so dead

a poetic correspondence

a poetic correspondence

ME
my heart doesn't need poems to heal
a poem won't really erase the hurt i feel
all i want are some words earnest and true
and if you could add a hug, then that would be good too
but it is sad you don't realise this my friend
sad that you don't have a few kind words to lend
sad you have nothing to say
sad that you should feel this way
but thats oki'm not mad
just a bit hurt and maybe very sad
i love you still, thats what friends do
and if you need me i'll be here for you

SHE
hey....

you told me you need no poem...
but i think i need one
so just listen to what i have to say..
just this once...

i know you're hurt , i know you're sad
i know its not easy to let go just like that

i'm sorry for what i did
you know i did'nt mean it
its just that , its been so long...
i thought our friendship had grown really strong...(it still is!!!!!!!!!!!!- i hope...)

i'm not upset , i'm not sad
i'm not even close to anything like that

i know i have'nt completely understood you,
but i promise, i will one day,
believe me , 'coz i believe in you...

ME
a poem they say comes from the heart
a poem they they say is truth from the start

a poet you say you are not
but a poem you just wrote, did you not?

a poem so true, it shook me from within
a poem so beautiful , it made music like a violin

a poem i know i didn't ask
but writing one like that should have been one mean task


if what you have to say is going to be filled with so much sincerity
i'll listen to you for not just once but for all eternity

it has been long, our friendship has gone strong
but listen to what i have to say, don't get me wrong

even the oldest and strongest tree faces a storm
young or old they all do, its the norm
even the tree with the deepest roots needs water to survive
water is a neccessity if it needs to live and thrive
but do you the difference between the young and the old tree
if you don't - then hear it from me

the old ones face the strong much better
it may get ruffled but won't give in to the pressure
our friendship darling is like an old tree
it may need water and face storms of the highest degree

but in the end it'll stil stand
in the end it'll emerge strong and
better than ever before

may this strom be a lesson well learnt
may it be into our hearts and mind burnt
may it remind us what a beautiful bond we share
and to let go ever, may we not even dare

a kite on the tree

a lonely kite flutters on the tree
hanging dangerously on the brim
is has a choice to make - a tough choice
a choice between easy and right

the distance to the ground
seems so much easier to cover
than the distance to the skies

the decision has to be made fast
or the wind will rip it apart

the skies seem dauntingly infinite
terrifyingly unconquerable
yet temptingly free and beautiful

the ground is easy to reach
it just has to fall down
but then it will be impossible
to rise upto the skies ever
Once it falls-itfalls- no hope
No scope to go anywhere better

the decision has to be made fast
or the wind will rip ti apart
the end seems so near
and life seems so dear

the lonely kite flutters on the tree
it reminds me of someone - it reminds me of me

eclipse

a need to prove myself
clouded by the fear of failure
setting my priorities right
overridden by teenage fantasies
a resolution to work hard
blurred by the want to have fun
the choice to do the right thing
fogged by the tendency to do whats"in"
the discretion to be rational and wise
misted by the tendency to be impulsive
the decision to believe the good in myself
hazed by doubts about self worth
the wish to stay sane and focussed
overcast by the inclination to go crazy and digress

what matters

it isn't the fullness of your lips
that makes me want to kiss you
it is the words that you speak through them

it isn't your well built body
that makes me want to hug you
it is the heart that lies within

it isn't the color of your eyes
that draws me towards you
its the truth and kindness they show

it isn't the softness or shine
that makes me want to ruffle your hair
it is those amazing thoughts that lie inside

coz it isn't for the handsome guy
that i fell
i fell for the beautiful soul

Forever kind

I went to the shop yesterday
to pick out a card for you
don't ask me the occasion
I just went coz I wanted t

I picked a few
Then I kept them back
I went around to look
At some in another rack

I searched, browsed, looked
And read almost every card
And though some were good
To pick one for you was very hard

Some talked of long friendships
Others of sharing it all
While some were straight from the heart
Other told stories long and tall

Then it struck me why
This task was such a bother
Because the friendship we share
Is unlike any other

It hasn’t been long
We haven’t yet shared it all
And the compliments we share
Are outnumbered by our brawls

Yet there is something about us
That I feel in my heart and mind
You aren’t just any other friend
You are the” forever” kind

I didn't do nothing

Our eyes meet across the street
He checks me out from head to feet
Of course I’m looking at him too
He looks simply too good to be true

That bronze like skin
That chiseled chin
Those amazing eyes
The colour of the skies


He gives me a half smile
Brimming with naughty vibes

I don’t smile just pout with my lips
Bat my lashes give my hair a flip

Another look into his eyes
Tells me he is all mine

Just then the girl
Standing beside
Nudges his elbow
And gives me the evil eye

She drags him away
He keeps turning back
She thinks, ”What does she
Have That I lack?”

There is nothing wrong with you darling
I think it’s just me
I was just flirting around
Didn’t you see?

Don’t worry about it
Don’t give it another thought
You can’t really help it
if your boyfriend thinks I’m hot

student

forehead filled with worry wrinkles
eyes beneath reflect injustice
a stooped down shoulder
a let down spirit
a walk without the spring
a voice without life

innocence - not lost, just never found
creative instincts trampled and buried in the ground

a brain filled with nonsensical words
and meaningless numbers

a day filled with homework
a week filled with tests
months filled with exams
and the vicious cycle keeps going on

a race to achieve what is most coveted
a snooty university, a plushy job

lucid visions of love and lust
painted in the canvass of their minds
by the brushes of the media

a world that begins and ends with"me"
a world with no time left for "we"

"kindness, humility, humanity, peace and love"
words familiar only in textbooks

"secular sovereign democratic
brotherhood and fraternity"
words known only because
it is "coming" for a test

where relationships turnneedy
where friends turn greedy

oh what is it with them
their monotonous days
and superficial ways

present

aching ...yearning
longing
loved ...lonely
confused
in denial
yet acceptance??

a hopeless fear replaces
a fearless hope

outgoing
yet unable to express?
or maybe able to express yet can't?
engulfed by love
embraced by hate

at peace with the world
in war with self